Wife refuses to allow her in-laws to stay over after they snooped in her private things and called her house "messy" the last time they stayed over, husband gets angry: 'He may say he's going to clean, but he won't'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 20, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

It's so much easier to have friends or family visit from out of town when they're not staying at your house. Don't get me wrong, I've had many houseguests sleep on my couch, and spending an entire weekend with them has been buckets of fun. However, their staying at your house the whole time necessitates that you feed and entertain them for the duration of their stay, which, depending on the circumstances, could be days, weeks, or even months. When out-of-town guests stay at a hotel or an AirBNB, they have a nice warm bed in a clean, boring room, complimentary breakfast, and a solid amount of time away from you so that they really enjoy the quality time you spend together. Even when you have a guest room and a bathroom available, sometimes paying for your in-law's hotel room is worth maintaining both of your sanities when they visit. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement

  • The in-laws in this story don't care about the mental health of their brother's wife. They think they can waltz into her home, criticize it, and get invited back with open arms. When this hardworking woman tried to take a stand against their poor boundaries, her husband shut her down. 

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10482700800
    via Leire Cavia (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for Not Inviting My In-Laws to Stay in Our Home?

    Several years ago, I was a full- time caretaker for my husband, who was awaiting back surgery, and my mother, who was in palliative care with dementia. In addition, I worked full-time. It was a lot, so I used the services of someone who cleaned every few weeks. After my husband's surgery, his sisters decided to
    via u/Clean-Beach2891
  • 03
    visit, and I welcomed them into our home. After their visit, I learned that they'd entered parts of our home that were not open to visitors, looked through things, and commented about its cleanliness. Granted, the private spaces were not as tidy as the public parts of our home, but I was doing the best I could. This
    via u/Clean-Beach2891
  • 04
    MARZO
    via Paolo Chiabrando

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 05
    was especially hurtful to my husband because there is shame associated with this topic in their family. Fast forward, and we have a family event coming up. My husband has suggested that the family stay with us, and, based on the last experience, I said no. I'm in school and have a full-time job, and he may say he's going to clean, but he won't and will
    via u/Clean-Beach2891
  • 06
    become angry with me because it's not done. I suggested they stay at a hotel (even if we pay) because I don't want the stress associated with the visit because our standards don't align. He's pretty upset, but AITA?
    via u/Clean-Beach2891
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10482721536
    via Evgeniy Kozlov

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    NotThisAgain234 NTA. They have shown themselves to be judgmental snoops so they can reap the consequences. Good for you for not falling for empty promises. Sounds like your husband will find something to be angry about whatever you do so you might as well take the path that results in less stress for you.
    via u/NotThisAgain234
  • 09
    Hunterlowex Your mental health should come first. Prioritize your peace over their expectations!
    via u/Hunterlowex
  • 10
    suziesunshine17 Yep, in fact OP's husband is the biggest A_h_le here for even entertaining this idea. OP you are giving far too much of yourself for this relationship without reciprocation. If I were you, I'd put myself up in a hotel for the entire time they're there. And then I'd be filing for divorce.
    via u/suziesunshine17
  • 11
    Bleu5EJ I agree! 1. He wants family to visit. 2. Will say he'll clean but won't. 3. You already know he will get angry with you when it doesn't get done. Nope. Just a lot of aggravation.
    via u/Bleu5EJ
  • 12
    KaetzenOrkester I'm so glad my MIL is 1) non-judgmental and 2) has a sign in her den that reads "dull women have immaculate homes." You are absolutely NTA. Your husband seems to be fooling himself, however, about what he's willing to do and how his family behaves. Oh well. I'd refuse any
    via u/KaetzenOrkester
  • 13
    argument he invites you to, and won't you have homework when the outlaws want to visit? Remember dull people have immaculate homes (or pay for house cleaners)
    via u/KaetzenOrkester
  • 14
    Acrobatic_Reality103 I must be very interesting!
    via u/Acrobatic_Reality103
  • 15
    ConfectionExtra7869 u/Clean-Beach2891, go buy this sign and hang it up. NTA. They went into areas of the house that were none of their business, which is r de and trashy to do. That is enough reason to never have them back in your house.
    via u/ConfectionExtra7869
  • 16
    mimianders You are NTA. His family invaded your private space then maligned you afterwards. They are not welcome to do the same again.
    via u/mimianders
  • 17
    that_was_way_harsh NTA. You have a husband problem, not just an in-law problem. If he's not going to clean for his family, he can shut it.
    via u/that_was_way_harsh
  • 18
    Snackinpenguin Husband doesn't seem to be defending you on this one, and expects that you've taken on the burden for having been both caretaker and housekeeper. If he wants to host, he can clean to his family's expectations. You've had enough going on. NTA.
    via u/Snackinpenguin
  • 19
    Eins Two But see, that's the problem. He says he'll clean but she knows he won't and she knows she'll be blamed when he doesn't. It's so much easier to just book those snoops a hotel room (and more generous than I'd be!)
    via u/EinsTwo
  • 20
    TheBlueMenace She should book a hotel room for herself (and only herself) and let the husband host them by himself.
    via u/TheBlueMenace
  • 21
    PS_is_BS Came on here to say this. She should book a hotel for herself. Keep everything of hers she doesn't want them getting their nosy eyes into locked tight. And then let hubby play host and cleaner.
    via u/PS_is_BS
  • 22
    But OP should definitely not pay for in-law's hotel room costs. NTA, OP. Husband is the bigger a-he here since he's supposed to be in your corner and isn't. His family are close seconds.
    via u/PS_is_BS
  • 23
    SteveJobsPenis Bingo. I know how it works, he wants to host them to be the good family member and will intend to clean, then when they violate their privacy again and make catty comments on it the shame that was trained into him throughout childhood will pop up again and poor OP will cop the anger that comes with it.
    via u/SteveJobsPenis
  • 24
    DrukMeMa NTA but your husband sounds like no prize.
    via u/DrukMeMa
  • 25
    KimB-booksncats-11 Seriously! She was caring for him and her mother and working and cleaning and he's upset that his relatives snooped in private parts of the house and found that things weren't perfect. Now he's annoyed she won't let same snooping relatives stay and won't deep clean the house while she's working and going to school. Not a good impression.
    via u/KimB-booksncats-11

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

family drama cleaning clean marriage wife married life husband sister in law messy father in law in laws mother in law family dirty married snooping
Scroll Down For The Next Article